How I Became Obsessed with Astrology

If you have had any contact with me in the past year, you probably know that I have become obsessed with astrology. This is the story of how and why that happened.

Last year, when I was on a pilgrimage to the UK, there was an astrologer with us on our trip and I asked her how I could be a Pisces and not be a fan of baths, hot tubs, swimming or boats. Pisces is a fish (two fish, actually)! How could I not like water? (For some reason, this was the only astrological question I had at the time.)

She instructed me to enter the date, time, and place of my birth into a website to pull up something called a “birth chart”.

What happened next blew my mind. From looking at a bunch of cryptic symbols on a wheel divided in to 12 “houses”, this woman I had just met started saying some very accurate and profound things about me and my life. She also said that this wheel contained some guidance about what I was supposed to be doing with my life!!! How had I never heard about this beautiful, mysterious, magical wheel????

[Before I go on (because I am sure you are dying to know), being a Pisces is not really about actual, physical water. Each sign is associated with an element (fire, water, air, earth) that represents one of four personality temperaments. Water is the “feelings” temperament. Pisces don’t necessarily want to take baths all the time, but they do feel things very deeply. I have a lot of feelings. Mystery solved.]

So how does this crazy, magical wheel (aka birth chart or natal chart) have all of this information about who we are and what is happening in our lives?

Hang on now, because this gets a little woo woo.

First, you need to be open to the possibility that you have a soul and that this soul has lived many lifetimes with the purpose of learning and growing. (Souls love to learn and grow.) What’s the end game? I like to imagine that after you have conquered all of the hard things (without creating any new shitty karma) you can do cool stuff like relax on a hammock all day, look out at the universe, drink margaritas, and never get hungover. Some might call it… enlightenment.

In order to get to this relaxing hammock in the universe, you have to learn A LOT of stuff. To help you get there, each lifetime is perfectly crafted so you have the POTENTIAL to learn your next set of lessons. You might not successfully master all of the lessons, but your life is set up to give you the opportunity to do so. (It’s like a choose your own adventure book!) My astrology teacher believes that each of us has a soul advisor that we meet with before each lifetime to discuss the lessons we want to learn. Or it might make more sense to you that there is a divine being that sets this all up because she has a bigger plan.

Once the lesson plans are decided, your soul advisor (or the divine being) selects the exact time, place, and family you will be born in to, to give you the opportunity to learn those lessons. The location of the planets (and other celestial bodies) in the sky at the exact time and place of your birth, is your natal birth chart. Think of it as a map to your soul’s purpose in this lifetime. And this map is somehow coordinated with the maps of a bunch of other souls that you are supposed to interact with in this lifetime so you can learn some lessons together. (This soul advisor/divine being is super smart.)

But, how did anyone get the idea that the planets in the sky would have anything to do with what happens in our lifetime?

A long, long time ago (before electricity and television and Instagram), people had A LOT of time to look up at the sky. They paid very close attention (because they had nothing else to do, but survive) and noticed patterns between the locations of the stars and planets in the sky and people’s personalities, behaviors, and the events that happened in their lives (and in societies and on the earth overall!) For thousands of years, astrologers have been observing, confirming, refining and expanding on these observations and they prove to be true, over and over again.

This sounds crazy, I know, until YOU get an natal chart reading and you are blown away by what the position of those planets says about you.

This map (or lesson plan) is not like Google Maps which gives you specific routes to get you where you need to go and tells you how long each route will take. It’s more like a very complicated puzzle that has to be decoded. And it’s not like a jigsaw puzzle that can only be put together one way. Each symbol can be brought to life by different people in different ways. And the relationships between the planets create even more options. And the map might actually say something different later in your life as the planets continue to move through the sky and as you take different paths on your “chosen” adventure which will provide new contexts. Souls are complicated. Life on this planet is complicated. Unpacking all of that with astrology is complicated.

So you may be thinking, “If there are so many ways to put the pieces together, how do I know my astrologer is putting it together the right way?”

Excellent question. Even the BEST astrologer can’t tell you EXACTLY what will happen to you in your lifetime. If they have a lot of experience (and intuition) they can pick out the pieces that fit best with who you are and they work with you to put it all together. But only YOU will know in your gut if it feels right to you. I have only started to dabble in telling people what their charts say (and I know just enough to be dangerous) but so far I have a lot of peeps nodding their heads when I tell them what the planets and stars have to say about them.

Worst case, you dismiss it as nonsense and go on with your life. Best case, something really important becomes clear to you that you had never thought of before. Or something is unlocked inside you that you didn’t know was there. Or it brings you comfort to you to believe that there is a plan and all of the hard things you have been through (or are still going through) are lessons that you created for yourself and it might actually make sense! And it MIGHT be fun to believe that when you finally conquer your lessons, you can relax and drink margaritas ALL DAY with no repercussions!

All of this “best case” stuff is what happened to me! Learning about my own chart made me so curious that I took an astrology class, started reading astrology books, and have been viewing everything in my own life (and in the lives of everyone around me) through an astrology lens.

I mentioned above that my chart has some guidance about what my life’s purpose might be. I will spare you the play-by-play of my chart analysis (for now), but the net-net is that it appears my destiny might be to use astrology to help people. As much as I love understanding my own chart, I really want to help other people figure out what their lessons are so they can get through them and on to the next level of their own enlightenment (which may or may not involve a Universe hammock and margaritas.) The planets and stars (and my astrology teacher and dear friend Kim) keep telling me that I was born to do this.

I have a lot to learn before can hang up my shingle and call myself an astrologer. It takes many years to really learn astrology and I do have a full time job that I need to keep to support my new astrology book habit. So if I have your birth deets and I have not yet given you the full analysis of your chart, be patient! It feels right in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do, so I will get to it! I also plan to write a lot more about astrology, so hopefully, I have piqued your interest enough to keep you tuned in.

You may be wondering about the picture above. My amazingly talented mother drew this beautiful picture of me as a baby surrounded by my Pisces fish with a few astrological symbols in the mix. I have always loved this picture. Maybe it was because I knew deep down that it represented my destiny.

Full disclosure, she also drew a similar and equally beautiful picture of my brother who is, so far, not super interested in astrology. But he is a Leo so he is doing his own thing.

2019: The Year of…..

I decided to keep it simple this year.  I am going with a one-word theme.

I debated setting another goal to do a set number of specific things and was (of course) obsessing over how many things and what exactly those things would be. And then last week, the idea of having a one-word theme was presented to me.

This is not a new idea, but it was a new idea to me and I loved it because it was simple. And I don’t want to keep doing the same old “new” things. I need to innovate!

And…..I already knew what my word would be.

I had been thinking a lot about what I wanted to focus on in 2019.  I want writing to be a big part of it, but I have other ideas.  I recently realized that I have a lot of ideas that I don’t pursue. I let them float through my head while I am busy checking off meaningless stuff on my to do list and I often just forget about them.  Or sometimes they keep coming back to me and I make excuses not to pursue them.  Then I sit around saying “I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I have no ideas.” Sigh.

At the end of 2017, I read Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I loved that book and its been milling around in the back of my mind with all of those ideas. The story from the book that stayed with me most vividly was one she told about this glimmer of an idea she had that she wanted a garden. And she didn’t just dismiss it (like I have many times with the plant wall I keep thinking about) but she ran with it. Then she got interested in learning about the flowers and she ran with that!  And THAT turned in to a book.

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.  The hunt to uncover those jewels – that’s creative living.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

This idea of following your curiosity, reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, I have loved Alice in Wonderland since I was a little girl. Now I realize she has been calling me to follow my curiosity and uncover the hidden jewels.

“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”  – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

Yes!!!!  I want to find those treasures and create amazing things because it will be fun!!!  (Extra bonus points if I can inspire other people to do the same!!)

I recently stumbled on the Big Magic podcast and listened to the Brene Brown episode.  She basically told me that I have no choice but to start creating more things. Here is what Brene said to me last week while I was walking around the East Village:

“The only unique contribution we make in this world will be born of creativity.”

“Creativity is soul work. It’s not about what we do, it’s about who we are.”

So yeah, I gotta get on this.

First, I must start writing down the ideas that come to my head so I don’t forget them. Then I need to take inspired action on the ones that speak to me the loudest. Then I will start creating things. Some of those things I will share, and some will just be for me. Some of those things will be writing and some of them will be other cool stuff.  Some of it might not end up being that cool or important, and that’s OK.

“You are not required to save the world with your creativity.”  –– Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

In case you have not figured it out yet, my word for 2019 is CREATIVITY. 

I am going to follow my curiosity and create things out of the ideas that I am no longer going to ignore.  I am not going to do a specific number of things. I am just going to do stuff. Maybe it will be one HUGE creative project and maybe it will be 100.  Who knows? Did Alice have any idea what she was getting in to?

I am going to kick the year off with the The Artist’s Way.  For those who are not in the know, The Artist’s Way, is a “12-week program of exercises and explorations to loosen up one’s artistic self.” (My creativity hero, Elizabeth Gilbert, is a huge fan)

I am on my way to being loose and even MORE artistic!

Welcome to my #YearofCreativity.  Let’s see how this goes!

PS: The artwork above is a print I bought on Amazon from Lone Star Art. You can find it here.

2018 Year in Review

2018I started my year with a complicated plan to “sort of” continue my New Things from 2017 but with the intention to focus more on quality over quantity. You can read the details here but essentially, I had dialed it back to only 18 new things that had to involve one of my five goals for the year: Fun, Creativity, Connection, Meaning, Nature. (I added “leaving my Comfort Zone” later as a sixth goal, primarily so I could count new thing #1 which ended up not being as fun as I thought it would be.) 

I soon regretted this plan because I felt like I was being lazy. Well, my higher self does not let me be lazy for too long.  In April, I dialed things back up and decided to go on a pilgrimage to find my life’s purpose.  That decision changed the course of my year (and probably my life) and got me back on track with the trajectory I set in motion in 2017.  Phew!

My life expanded in 2018.  I am not the same person I was when the year started.  I would say that counts as #quality.

I did 40 new things. Not too shabby. When I sat down to review the list, I realized I had at least five that I never shared!!! See the list here.

I quit therapy after 20 years. There were a few “ah ha” moments in 2018 that led to that decision.  I am a huge fan of therapy.  I needed it and I healed and grew a lot from it.  I think most people would benefit from a good therapist.  But I realized this year that I have the tools I need to carry on the rest of the way without that relationship. No regrets so far. I LOVE having my Saturday mornings back.  #leavingmycomfortzone

I embarked on a spiritual journey. I didn’t even realize that was happening. I sort of knew I was signing on to work with a spiritual energy healer when I decided to go on the pilgrimage, but I ignored that part. I was like “yeah, we’ll see what’s up with that, but I really just want to solve this thing eating away at me that I should be doing SOMETHING but I have no idea what”.  Little did I realize that that THING eating away at me is the Universe sending me messages that I have been ignoring. I am learning (slowly, and sometimes still reluctantly) to believe those messages and pay attention to them. Some of this “spiritual stuff” still does not resonate with me, but some if it is like WHAAAATTT??? That is amazing!!! Much more to come on all of this, I am sure.  #meaning

I made amazing new connections. I have a tribe of new fabulous women friends who are also on this spiritual journey with me that I have learned so much from. Dating went in an interesting direction this year. I manifested more cookies than kale (this post will explain what I mean by that) but the cookies were fun I have learned from those connections, too. #connection #fun

It was a big family year. I had all of my nieces and nephew together more than once which was so much fun. I learned about past lives with my siblings (wow!) and spent quality time with all of my parents. (This is extra challenging because they are double divorced and spread up and down the East Coast. I spend a lot of time on Amtrak) There were some intense family moments as well, but you know what they say (and by they, I mean the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh)…No Mud No Lotus.  #connection #fun #meaning

I thought I found my life’s purpose, twice, and was then like…hmmm…maybe this isn’t exactly it.  This fall, I realized (with the help of my new spiritual friends and various podcasts) that this path I am on IS my life’s purpose. Learning, sharing, growing, paying attention and helping other people to learn, grow, share, and pay attention. That’s it. Don’t try so hard. Don’t think so much. Have fun. Roll with it. Trust the process. The process IS the thing. (Remind me to come back and read this when I forget, again, that the process IS the thing.) #meaning

The Garden of Eden

I didn’t write as much as I wanted to, but I did churn out 13 posts this year. I took a poetry class.  I saw a couple of interesting plays. I went to a cool event about music and math. I had the Garden of Eden painted on my body. I started using more emojis 🦄 🌈. But overall, 2018 was a little bit weak on #creativity 

Nature was the category that got the least attention in 2018.  My pilgrimage was hard core on nature. I did Butoh in the rain. We did a healing in a field full of sheep. I stared at flowers and trees for longer periods of time than I thought possible. I hiked the Tor, immersed myself in the healing pool of a sacred spring, tried to talk to trees, and hung out with a lot of prehistoric rocks.  Since then I made one trip to the New York Botanical Garden but otherwise my life has been mostly #nature free. This is another area for improvement.

All in all, 2018 pretty much kicked ass. I was sick more than I would like, so there are some things that need to be tweaked, but I went pretty hard.  I chose 18 for this year because it represented the Hebrew word Chai which represents being alive. I took my life to a new level this year and definitely felt alive! I chose the name Genesis when I was on my pilgrimage which represents beginnings. This year was the beginning of so many things. I look forward to what will unfold in 2019 and beyond. More on that soon….

The Universe Has My Back

Things just keep happening.  So many things that I want to write about! But by the time I sit down to do it, I don’t even know where to start because there is so much!!

You might just have to wait until I write my first book.  Although I have not been writing all that much, I have come up with a working title for this future book:

“A Recovering TVaholic Finally Discovers her True Piscean Nature”

PiscesDrawing4This working title was inspired by the astrology class I am taking.  I was reminded that Pisceans are supposed to have the deepest connection to spirit and are usually healers, poets, dreamers, musicians, and visionaries.  I studied computer science and got an MBA.  My feet are solidly on the ground.  I live inside the box.  I get shit done.  I am practical.  I am the opposite of a visionary.  I am the one who pokes holes in the crazy visionary ideas people come up with!!

I have learned that astrology is complicated and it’s not all about your sun sign. There was a lot happening in the sky when we popped in to the world and it all contributes to who we are. (or its all nonsense, but let’s assume its not, because that’s way more fun!)

But I also know that all of this Pisces stuff is inside me and it’s part of my purpose to tap in to it more.

Let’s not forget that I did play bass guitar in an all women’s rock band (briefly) with my friends from college (MUSICIAN!)  And I also recently wrote this kick ass poem (POET!)

And…… THE UNIVERSE HAS ACTUALLY STARTED TALKING TO ME!!! This might sound a little crazy but here is the story.

This week, I was reading The Universe Has Your Back (which is the kind of thing people on a spiritual journey do) and Gabby said that I can choose a sign for the Universe to use to send me a message. When I want to confirm that I am on the right path or making the right decision, I can just ask the Universe to show me this sign.

I knew immediately when I read this that my sign was an elephant. I have no special relationship with elephants. I saw quite a few on safari last year, and they were beautiful and amazing, but they had no deep impact on me (that I was aware of.) But LAST week, I did ask my spirit guides to talk to me for the first time ever and they sent me the image of elephant.  I still don’t know why. (It’s kind of like the journeying pickle.) But they showed me an elephant. They also sent me on a mission to find a Fleetwood Mac song sung my Christine McVie.  True story.  I really wanted it to be “You Make Lovin’ Fun,” but I think they were sending me “Sweet Little Lies.” And I think that meant that someone in my life was not being completely truthful.  This has yet to be confirmed, but I can assure you I am paying close attention!

My spirit guides have been silent since the elephant/Fleetwood Mac incident, but after a rough week, struggling with a difficult decision, I decided to ask the Universe if I was making the right call.  I said, “Universe, if I am doing the right thing, please show me an elephant.”

Then I went shopping.  And I bought a dress with rainbows and unicorns on it.  And it was a fun day of shopping, but there were no elephants.  And I was wishing I had picked the unicorn as my sign, but I hadn’t.

When I got home, I hung up my rainbow unicorn dress and went on line to find a new lamp because mine had died earlier that day and I was in the dark. I was scrolling through Amazon, checking out lamps, and there it was. Elephant Night Light

An elephant night light.

An elephant night light is not a “thing”.  One does not run in to elephants while searching for lamps. But there it was. My elephant.

And in less than 24 hours after that, I saw two more elephants!  I stumbled on an elephant charm while browsing necklaces online and then I saw an elephant birthday card at Papyrus!

The Universe has my Back!!!

The Universe (and all of the elephants) have confirmed that I made the right decision this week and that I am on the right path.  And this is good news for you if you are looking forward to my book, because my Pisces is starting to show!

PS: OK, so it’s possible that elephants might just be everywhere and I never noticed it before, but I choose to believe that the Universe has my back. You can believe whatever you want.

PSS: What’s also super weird is that when I went to find the specific elephant night light that the Universe sent me to include a nice picture with this post, I could not find it anywhere on Amazon.  It no longer exists on the internet!!!!  Weird a.f.!!! I did snap a picture of the O.E. (original elephant.) Here he is. Spiritual proof on my phone.

Elephant Night Light - Original

 

Radical Presence and Poetry

As part of my pilgrimage to the UK, we took a poetry and movement course called Embodying the Line. Like the rest of the pilgrimage, I had no idea what to expect but since I like writing and moving, I was pretty sure it would be cool. It was.

IMG_0041
Vortex Tree

The course took place at Schumacher College where the focus is on “interactive and experiential learning” based on “progressive forms of education, art and agriculture,” which is exactly what we experienced.  All of the food we ate was grown on the land (all vegetarian and I survived for five days with no meat!!) We were surrounded by beautiful hippies who were exploring community and agriculture and taking courses like “Natural Magic” and “Dragon Dreaming.”  Schumacher sits in the middle of the Dartington Hall estate which was has the most beautiful gardens and vortex trees. Just an amazing place.

This poetry and movement course was not your average poetry and movement course (if another one even exists, which it probably doesn’t). It was a very unique experience for me to be in a completely creative endeavor for an entire week.  At my engineering school we had required liberal arts electives and I dabbled in the absolute minimum amount of arts education possible.

Our instructors Allison Hallett, a very cool poet from the UK, and Deborah Black, a fabulous “multi-disciplined embodied artist and teacher” (and a fellow hero/pilgrim!) were so much fun and are truly amazing artists.  We did the coolest exercises to spark our creativity, create poetry, and get in touch with our bodies. Here are some examples:

  • IMG_0110We spent 40 minutes in an open lawn, “investigating” whatever grabbed our attention (flowers,trees, benches, snails, grass, clouds) until the next thing grabbed our attention and we moved to that.  Later, we wrote a love letter to the thing we loved the most in that field.  I wrote a love letter to this super cool tree.
  • We went on a walk in the woods with a partner and dictated what we saw. One partner told the truth for a few minutes and then we switched and the other partner told lies (like, there is candy corn growing on the trees.) Then we looked for as many lines as we could find and had to write three poems, in the shape of three of the lines, and inspired by the stories. (Mind blowing, right?)
  • Half of the group closed their eyes and moved in whatever way inspired them in the middle of the room while the other half observed and reported back after the session. (Writing that now, it sounds like a scene from Eyes Wide Shut, but it wasn’t! It was like watching a completely non-sexual performance art piece – it was beautiful.)
  • We wrote a poem, cut up each line on a separate strip of paper and pasted it back together in a random order and read it back out loud.  Many of them were even BETTER in a totally mixed up order. Poetry can be so cool! (I never thought that is something I would say!)

We just had a great time writing cool stuff, exploring nature, and sharing our work with each other. It was a very special week.

Since one of my purposes is to write and inspire, I thought I should share one of my poems with you and maybe it will inspire you to write a poem! This is what came out of my brain after staring at some pink and purple flowers for 5-10 minutes after looking at pictures of my adorable nieces and nephew on my phone.  It is not a masterpiece, but it might be the closest thing to a children’s book I will ever write. It starts out kind of deep, comparing flowers to people, but then morphs in to a dance party! Maybe it will inspire you to dance! Enjoy!

Flowers SMALL

Ode to Pink and Purple Flowers

Light, small flowers bunched together on top of deep green clover shaped leaves,

Reminding me of young girls and their flowy pink dresses and tutus.

The sun giving them life and the earth nourishing their roots,

Like parents giving stability and love to children.

Bees create a community of flowers between buds that don’t touch,

Passing pollen from one flower to the next.

Mushrooms grow beneath the deep green leaves;

Toadstools for tiny frogs that live in the land below the flowers.

Even tinier ants crawl on the tiny mushrooms and up the stems of the flowers, joining the bees for a huge party.

The frogs leap up and try to join, but they can only get that high when a hedge hog passes by and they can jump on top.

Then the party really gets rockin’ with the ants and the bees and the tiny frogs and the hedge hogs,

All hanging out around the beautiful pink and purple flowers.

They like to listen to Elton John when they party;

Tiny Dancer of course.

The frogs do ballet while the ants tap dance and the bees do hip hop.

The hedge hogs don’t like to dance, but they sway because they love Elton John.

Then the sun starts to go down and it gets cold.

The bees go back to their hive.

The ants climb down from the flowers, back in to their ant holes to sleep.

The frogs leap down from the hedge hogs and climb under the tiny mushrooms to settle in for the night.

I’m not sure where hedge hogs sleep.

In a barn I think, when they can find one,

Deep in the woods, cuddled up together until its time to go out and party again!

Actually, I Have a Bigger Purpose….

As it turns out, being a writer is not my purpose, or at least not my whole purpose.

I do love to tell my truth in my own unique voice.

I do love to do new stuff and write about it.

I am on the right path.

And I do have everything I need.

But there is more….

Apparently, my coaches never bought that writing was my purpose. They knew that I was meant for something bigger and that I was playing small.  I knew it, too. But even with all of the purification, obstacle release, energy work, and vibrating at a higher frequency that I have been doing, I still needed a little help to pick up on the signals my higher self was sending me.

On the last hour of the last day of our pilgrimage, my coaches (and their spirit guides) started asking me questions….

How did a corporate executive end up on a pilgrimage with 11 spiritual, creative entrepreneurs?

What if every choice I have made in my life has led me to this moment?

What if the skills that have made me successful in my business career are exactly what creative entrepreneurs need?

What if these creative people I find myself on a pilgrimage with are the people I am supposed to help?

Duh…..

Full disclosure, this idea came up BEFORE I left for the pilgrimage. The voice in my head was telling me that I am supposed to be a bridge between the corporate and creative worlds. I mentioned this in my pre-work and got a homework assignment to go out and ask some visionaries what they need to add structure and process to their business.

I didn’t do it. I got upset and frustrated and made a million excuses for why this could not be my purpose. It felt hard and scary. I don’t know enough. I suck at selling. How could this be a scalable business? I convinced myself that I should just stay in my safe corporate world and buy stuff from creative people and write about it. I told myself that this was how I am supposed to bridge the worlds. I have felt so strongly that I need something more, but maybe I just have to appreciate what I have.  That must be why this voice is telling me that I have everything I need. I don’t need to make a scary move. It’s all good.

But my current life does not make me truly happy. My job is OK but it’s not AMAZING. I want AMAZING!

I have always been drawn to the idea of being an entrepreneur but I had no idea what to DO!!!  I needed a visionary with an idea that I could help them execute. And the idea of being an entrepreneur scared the shit out of me. I am not a risk taker by nature (at least not in this life so far.)

So I was waiting for my visionary to appear and doing what I know how to do and what feels safe. I got a computer science degree because I LOVE solving problems and thinking analytically. I taught school because I want to “save the world” (or at least do my part). I got an MBA because I am pragmatic and like having money and I was on a quest to “find my thing”. I left business school without my thing. Nothing felt exactly right. I did find work that was sometimes fun. I learned that I can pretty much tackle anything that comes my way. And I made some money. But my heart was never in it. I have been safe and secure and traditionally “successful”, but never fully satisfied.

Then I found myself on a trip learning about energy and the fifth dimension and leading with your heart and not fear. I was fascinated by all of it and dove right in.  I have loved spending time with these women and they have big dreams for how they can help the world. And I have something they need and I can help them help the world!!

They are my visionaries! And I found my way to them, with every decision I have made up until this moment.

I still don’t have time to explain everything that has been happening these past two weeks. (Check out my Instagram feed for some highlights.) It has been so special and unique and different than anything I have every done before. I had no idea what was coming but it felt 100% right. All of it.

I have another assignment and this time I am going to do my homework!

Before we leave tomorrow morning, we all have to put our offer out in to the universe and let the world know problem we are going to solve.  Not how, just what.

So instead of telling you that I am going to do 50 new things before I am 50 and then write about them (small!!!), I am telling you that I am going to see what kind of business I can create that will help creative entrepreneurs with the “business stuff” so they focus on giving their creative gifts to the world.  Big!!! Scary!!!  AWESOME.  And I already have at least 5 clients!

I am not quitting my day job (yet). I am going to work with my new creative clients in my free time to see what is possible. That’s it.

I am letting go of needing to know exactly how it will all work out. I will probably freak out the minute we pull out of the English manor that I am writing you from now. But I have a support system in place to help me persevere and REALLY be my biggest and best self.

And I will keep reminding myself of one of my key takeaways from my 100 New Things (with a new twist).  If you think you might want to do something but you’re not sure, ask your higher self. And if she says yes, just fucking do it!!!

And My Purpose Is….

I am currently in England, at a beautiful college in Dartmoor, on a pilgrimage to find my life’s purpose.  On Day 2 of the pilgrimage (which I promise to tell you all about later), we got an assignment to tell our stories about what brought us here and then to share this “coming out story” publicly with the world (or at least our social media audience). All of the other amazing women on my pilgrimage have a business (or one they want to start) and a big part of this journey is to find the power, confidence, and support to take that business to the next level. Still having no potential business in mind, I had to get creative about what my story would be.  But it came to me.  Here is my story.

As I was doing my pre-work and preparing for the trip, a voice inside me (which I have now learned is my “higher self”) told me two things

  1. Buy purple converse sneakers
  2. Write

I listened to the voice and bought the sneakers and wrote the last post which caught you all up on the past few months.  While I was writing that post, and thinking about what led me to this pilgrimage, my inner voice kept thinking about The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and her new friends go in this epic journey to find all of these things they think they don’t have (a heart, a brain, courage, home). They hear that “the wizard” has all the answers and they travel a long distance to find him. They finally make it there, only to learn that they have everything they need.

They have everything they need.

In the craziness of packing and getting myself from NYC to Glastonbury I couldn’t fully process that, but the thought was brewing in my mind.  As I got this assignment, I thought about my journey with this blog. I started this blog to encourage myself to get off my couch and do stuff and then write about it. I loved writing. I didn’t love doing stuff quite as much as I loved writing, but having a goal to write about it, definitely helped me get out there and do stuff.  But it was a constant battle to find time outside of my job.  Eventually I stopped writing all together. I missed it, but did not want to keep writing the same story about the battle I was fighting (and did not feel like I was winning) to make my life bigger.

Then my sister (and my body saying ENOUGH) led me to my “100 New Things in 2017” project, which led me to Sophia (aka Lobsterbird) and eventually back to writing.  I was doing stuff and writing about it…and I loved (almost) all of it.  Strangely, I actually DID stuff before I found my way back to writing about it. Something had shifted! And, as an unexpected side bonus, I was inspiring people!!!

I have everything I need.

It was as clear as day, right in front of my eyes, like the ruby red slippers.

I am writer. I am a writer who likes to do stuff and then write about it.

This is my purpose. To tell my truth in my own unique voice. To write about what I do and what I see and what I feel.  To inspire people with my writing (and my doing).  Where it will go next or beyond this blog, I don’t yet know but I know in my heart that I am on the right path….

Follow the yellow brick road.

This is my story. This is my purpose.