I went on a date last week. It was my first date since the Teacher. Since I am dating again, you can probably conclude that the Teacher is no more. It was awesome for a while, and then things got complicated. The good news is…you get to read about my online dating adventures again!
I turned my OK Cupid profile back on a few weeks ago when I decided it was time to “get back on the horse.” I emailed a couple of guys. My new and improved profile seems to still be yielding better results because I got a quick response from this guy who seemed very normal and cute (and he actually was very normal and cute.) His profile said he was a planner. I, of course, was digging that. We quickly and efficiently made a plan. He did not disappear after a couple of emails. He communicated with me the completely appropriate amount and seemed genuinely excited (at an appropriate level) to meet me. I was somewhere between indifferent and nervous (this being my first time back on the horse in a while.)
We met for a drink near where we both (serendipitously) work. I was pretty sure within the first 2 minutes that there was not a connection between “the planner” and I, but I tried to stay open. Such a nice guy, and attractive, just no connection. We made conversation, but there were many awkward pauses. It got a little bit easier after I finished my first glass of wine. Just as I was finishing that up, he told me this was his FIRST online dating experience ever and almost his first date since his divorce. This confession put a lot of pressure on me to show him the ropes and give him a good experience. He even asked me to let him know if he was doing anything wrong (sweet guy).
After our first drink, he asked me if I wanted to grab dinner. I was trying so hard to have an open mind and not disappoint him on his first online date ever (and I had just finished a full glass of wine) so I said yes. I also wanted to postpone that moment when you reveal to someone, in a nice way, that you are just not that in to them. I hate that moment. I might hate it even more than the moment when someone reveals to you, in a nice way, that THEY are just not into YOU. I guess they both suck. Given my martyr personality, it is often easier for me to take this hit myself. These moments make dating hard for a super nice person like myself.
Anyway, we had dinner and it was pleasant enough. (My burger was amazing.) We had some things in common but he was missing two very important things: a dry/sarcastic sense of humor and sex appeal. These are deal breakers for me. People without these two things will not work for me. Those might be the only two things that I need. OK, maybe I need more than that, but they are really important.
At one point during dinner I started to try to explain why I hate dating. I can’t even remember how that came up (somewhere in the middle of my second drink.) The words ” I just don’t really like meeting new people” came out of my mouth (What was I saying?? Although this is kind of true.) I think I was trying to explain that I don’t have any interest in just finding someone to do stuff with. If I don’t genuinely like hanging out with you, I would rather be by myself. And I was thinking that he fell in this category but I was still not ready to reveal that because we were mid-dinner and I wanted to finish my fries. That line of discussion ended with an awkward pause.
I also remember saying “This isn’t too painful, right?” To that, he said something like “painful is not what I was thinking at all”. Another awkward moment. I was not my best self on this date. (Although he did seem pretty impressed that a person who does juice cleanses would also eat a burger and fries. That does make me pretty awesome.)
The date finally ended with him finding me a cab in the rain (such a nice guy), then trying to kiss my on the lips while I quickly turned to go for the cheek, and him saying “we should talk soon” and me saying “yeah, sure” and avoiding eye contact. (The final awkward moment of the night.)
I guess he got the hint because I did not hear from him again, but I wanted to write to him and say “You did a perfect job on your first online date ever. You did everything right and you are a great catch for most other women.” Of course it is totally possible that he was not that in to me either. Reflecting on my lack of interest in asking him questions and the stupid things that did come out of my mouth, this is quite likely.
I officially saddled up the horse and took her out for a ride. I am currently in the process of scheduling a date with “software guy” who actually wrote to me. The horse is out of the stable.
I am going to try to become a person who likes meeting new people. I like people! People like me! I know there are many interesting people out there besides my fabulous friends and family and the guys I used to date and keep accumulating as Facebook friends. I live in the greatest city in the world, full of fabulous people. I will find them and enjoy every minute of it! Here I go…