Last week, someone asked me what my “two words” were. One word to describe how I want the world to see me and another word to describe what I want to give to the world. I have no idea if he invented this “two words” concept or got it from some book he saw on Oprah. I didn’t ask.
I couldn’t decide what my words were. My mind went blank.
His words were “compelling” and “inspire”. I was so jealous of his words. How cool would it be to actually live “compelling” and “inspire”?
I have been deep in thought this week pondering my words and my life. I always want to be more, do more, and feel more. My few devoted blog fans have seen the trend. I am occasionally inspired and then I get distracted or lose steam and live life vicariously thought my fictional TV friends. This year has brought the distraction of another extremely demanding job that sucks up all of my energy. The job is challenging and financially rewarding, but am I passionate about it? Not so much.
Doing a good job makes me feel good. Being productive and accomplishing tasks, makes me feel good. It’s kind of crazy that it almost does not matter what the task is. If I check it off, it makes me feel good. Herein may lie part of the problem. Perhaps each task needs a “feel good” grade next to it. How good will I feel if I accomplish this particular task? I try to limit my tasks so I can do them all perfectly.
Can I transform from an organized, responsible, perfectionist who keeps the world at a distance to someone who throws caution to the wind, is always trying new things, knows what her passions are, lives them every day and is constantly out in the world interacting with people. I say yes! I see glimmers of that person in myself when I get my a&% off the couch. It might take a few more years to get there, but I will continue to push that rock up the hill and not give up.
Nothing can be accomplished without action items. This is a universal truth. It is once again, time to regroup, draft some serious, life transforming action items and follow through. This Sisyphus thing is exhausting.
Before I embark on new action items, I do have to close out this “two words” thing. I settled on “compassionate” (how I want the world to see me) and “give back” (what I want to give the world). Any one who knows me should be nodding their head saying, yup, those are her words. I am happy to check that off the list. I do know who I am. Compelling, not so much, but I would like to think I am a little bit inspiring too…