I am home. Yesterday was 17 long crazy hours of travel and I still feel a little bit out of it, but I feel like I should sum up my vacation before I move on to other non vacation posts.
After yoga class on Friday I was feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. Thankful for being able to afford this vacation. Thankful for the ability to move my body in to those crazy yoga poses. Thankful that I had survived the week with minimal to no anxiety. Thankful that no one on the trip was extremely annoying. Thankful that I had successfully managed to make small talk and not get completely bored out of my mind or come off like a buffoon.
At dinner on Friday, Erica gave each person a gratitude related quote and we each had to read the quote aloud and then say one or two words that summed up the week for us to help us remember the trip. Two ideas came to my mind. First was to repeat Erica’s quote about risks from the yoga class earlier in the week (and in an earlier post), because those words really resonated with me, but I was afraid I could not say them without getting emotional. The second idea was to say “Disco Warrior” which was a pose we did in class, clearly the more amusing choice. I stupidly decided to go with the more meaningful words and as expected, I got so emotional I could barely get them out. People had to wait for me to be able to speak and then I finally managed to say them. I don’t like to get emotional in front of other people, even I those I have known forever, so this was a big deal for me. I did not feel close enough to these people to open myself up that way and for the rest of the night I felt very uncomfortable. It was not as cathartic as I thought it would be. Other people also got emotional with their words and I doubt anyone gave much thought to my emotions because people were all wrapped up in their own stuff, but I would love to go back to that moment and make the “Disco Warrior” choice. The lesson learned was that it is not all rainbows and unicorns every time you put yourself out there.
The whole week was a study in human interaction for me. I would have paid money to get inside people’s heads and find out what they were thinking. I watched some of the women fight to be heard at the table and others sit back and observe more of the time like I did. I could listen to three conversations at the same time (like being at home and multi tasking!) My first impressions of people changed over the week which often happens so I have to always remember to keep an open mind. The people I think I would be most likely to hang with in real life don’t live in NYC, but I expect some of us New Yorkers will get together again and we will see what happens.
My goal is to try to maintain the feelings of gratitude I had at the end of the week and try to fight off my glass half empty persona. I am armed with a great NYC yoga teacher recommendation and some guided meditations to try. Fingers crossed…